Just When you Think your Life is perfect
by L0V3 4 wRiting xo
Summary: 10 Years ago after a very special night Martin and Ruthie shared together. But when Ruthie finds out she's pregnant, she moves away to NY never telling martin. She soon becomes a famous model. but what happens when her and Martin run into eachother? R&R!
1. A perfect lie

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

_Make me beautiful, a perfect face, perfect smile, a perfect soul and a perfect fake._

The feeling when you take your first step out onto that runway is incomparable. There's is nothing I love more then walking down that runway with flashes going off in your face. You know that every eye is on you, watching, judging. A million eyes scanning your body trying to find any imperfection. Then when you walk off that runway and you catch a glance at those millions of scanning eyes, nod, in satisfaction, that feeling I cannot put into words.

I woke up on Monday morning, my head pounding with a hangover from the night before. I glanced over at the alarm clock, it was 8:00.

"shit" I said quietly to myself knowing that I had to get up. I peeled the sheets away from my body and got out of bed. The cold air hot my bare legs giving me goose bumps as I made my way to the bathroom, grabbing a towel on the way. When I got into the bathroom I slipped my hand into the shower and turned the nob until I felt the hot water hit my skin. I took off my black, satin, slip and placed it carefully in the hamper. I then walked into the shower. The warm water hitting my bare skin felt fantastic. When I finished in the shower the I turned the nob down so that the shower was turned off. I stepped out of the shower into the cold bathroom air. I reached for my towel and then wrapped it around my dripping wet body. I walked out back into my bedroom and peeled open my closet door. After deciding on a black skirt, white top, denim jacket and a pair of Isabella Fiore black pumps, I walked out into the living room to see Roana, our live in maid and nanny, hovering over the stove making an omelet. I knew that it was for Denny, my son.

"Buenos días!" I said to Roana, who's first language was Spanish. She turned around and smiled. I had always loved her smile.

"Buenos días Ms.Camden" she said.

"¿Pues Denny?" I asked her. Which meant is that for Denny?

"Ci" she said nodding.

" Mommy!" I heard from behind me. I turned around to see Denny running towards me with open arms.

"Hey honey," I said as I bent down and lifted him up, trying to keep my balance in high heels.

"Ready for breakfast?" Roana asked him as she started to peel the omelet out of the pan.

"Yeah!" Denny said smiling. I set him down and he immediately ran over to the kitchen table and sat down at his normal spot, waiting for Roana to serve him.

"Alright well, I better get going, I have a photo shoot at twelve," I said realizing it was almost eleven.

"What time you be back Ms.Camden?" Roana asked.

"I'm not sure but I'll call you when I find out," I said as I walked over to Denny and gave him a kiss on the top of the head.

"I'll see you later honey, love you" I said as I reached for my black coach bag that was sitting by the door.

"Love you too mommy," Denny said after swallowing a piece of omelet.

"¡adiós Ms.Camden!" Roana said.

"¡adiós!" I said back to her. And with that I walked out the door. I walked out of the hall into the elevator which I took down to the main floor.

"Good morning Ms.Camden," Isabelle, the receptionist said to me.

"Good morning" I said back to her and then made my way through the glass doors to my red BMW. I opened the door and got in. Driving always gave me time to think. Denny was my life. But, he never knew his father. Martin had come to visit me for my graduation from high school. At this time he was the proud dad of a two year old. It was the night after graduation and he was leaving in the morning. He had come up to my room to say goodbye to me sense I probably wouldn't see him in the morning and as I hugged him, I just lost it. I started crying and I felt like my life was falling apart. He tried to tell me it was going to be okay but I wouldn't listen, I started screaming at him calling him an ass hole for sleeping with Sandy, saying that he was going to burn in hell. He was just kinda standing there staring at me. Once I finished screaming at him I stood there staring at him and I said, "well aren't you going to say something?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked me.

"Oh my God!" I screamed. "Are you fucking kidding me?" and then I went of on another rant about how he was going to hell and all and then for the first time that whole fight I looked up in his eyes and I can't explain what happened next. All I can say is the next thing I know Martin and I were embraced in a passionate, love filled, kiss. One thing lead to the other and soon enough we were making love to each other. I woke up the next morning and Martin was gone. A few weeks later I realized that I was late and sure enough, I was pregnant, with Martin's baby. I told my parents that it was Tom, my boyfriend at the times child. I didn't tell Tom anything knowing that we had never had sex. A few months after I had Denny I moved off to New York and started training for my modeling career. Now, the once young sweet innocent girl was one of the biggest models in New York.

When I arrived at the studio where the photo shoot was taking place, I realized that I was already late. I quickly rushed into the building where I saw my best friend and fellow model, Kristen.

"Oh, thank God you're here" She said handing me my coffee from Starbucks. "Lenny is freaking out," Lenny was my right hand basically, he planned all my shoots, all my outfits, I guess you could say he was my manager and my agent all rolled into one.

" I know, I know" I said taking my coffee and pushing open the door into the studio room. Lenny was filing through the outfits they had laid out for me.

"Oh thank God, I thought you had died or something!" Lenny said as he walked over to me.

"Well, I already have some outfits laid out for you but if you ask me" he said starting to lower his voice, "all the outfits here are as ugly as a dog's ass, but you know, that's just me" I nodded and glanced down at the few outfits that Lenny had chosen for me.

"I guess I'll go try these on," I said as I handed him my coffee and walked back into the dressing room.

"That photo shoot was painful" I said as Lenny, Kristen, and I walked out of the studio. The shoot had gone until eight o'clock.

"Tell me about it, they practically had you doing goddamn splits in one of the shots," Kristen chimed in.

"Lenny, please never book me here again," I begged.

"Duly noted," he said nodding.

"So is anyone else in need of some martinis?" Kristen said.

"Hell yeah," I said.

"Lenny?" Kristen asked.

"I'm in" he said.

"There's a bar across the street, do you want to go there?" I asked them. They both nodded. After walking out of the studio from hell, we walked into the restaurant and sat down at the bar and then ordered our drinks.

"So Lenny, what on our scheduale for tomorrow?" I asked him.

"You have a manicure at ten o'clock and then a fitting at two o'clock"

"Just what I need, another fitting," I sighed as I took a sip of my drink.

"Oh, I better call Roana and tell her that I'm gonna be late," I said as I pulled my cell phone out of my purse.

"Be right back" I said sliding out of the bar stool and walking around until I found a spot where I got a signal. The phone rang a few times before Roana picked up.

" 'ello?" she answered.

"hola Roana," I said.

"oh, hola Ms.Camden," she said

"¿cómo es Denny?" I asked, which meant how is Denny.

"Muy bien!" she said. As we went on talking someone I thought I recognized. He was with a blond haired tall woman, long legs, basically the perfect model figure. She was wearing a short black dress with gucci pumps. Whoever it was they sure had money. The two of them had sat down at a table and were ordering. Then the waiter that was blocking his face moved, revealing his face. Then I knew who it was. Martin.

**First off let me say I did the best I could in the Spanish parts so if I messed up a bit I'm sorry and this is kinda a start to the story I know it kinda sucked, but tell me what you think, and please be nice! Thanks for reading! I'll try to update soon!**


	2. A lot has Changed

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

"We're leaving," I said as I walked over back over to the bar.

"What?" Kristen asked a little surprised I would ever walk out before finishing a drink.

"We need to go now!" I said as I grabbed my purse and started to put on my jacket.

"What stick do you have up your ass?" Lenny said.

"I have no stick up my ass we just need to get out of here okay?"

"Ruthie, you haven't even finished your first drink yet, God, what is with you," Kristen asked me.

"Nothing okay, so can we please just go?" I said nodding my head towards the door.

"No" Kristen said taking another sip of her drink.

"Jesus Christ!" I said. "That's it I'm going by myself," I started fumbling through my purse for my car keys when I heard his voice. The one that had made my heart melt years ago. It was Martin's voice.

"Ruthie Camden?" he said to me. I looked up from my purse to see him standing there with the tall blond I saw him with.

"Martin, well, what a surprise!" I said acting as if it was the first time I had seen him.

"Wow, I thought it was you, well this is my fiance, Lana" He said with a big smile on his face.

"Hi, its so good to finally meet you Martin has told me all about his life with you and the Camdens," The tall blond said. She had one of those high pitched squeaky voices that makes you just want to scream.

"It's good to meet you to Lana" I said still searching through my purse for my car keys.

"So... what are you doing here in New York, last I heard you were still living with your mom and dad in Glenoak,"

"I came here to jump start my career," I said not bothering to even look up at him. "Damn, do you guys have my keys?" I said looking over at Lenny and Kristen.

"did you leave them back in the studio?" Kristen suggested.

"Shit," I said under my breath.

"Studio? Are you a singer?" Martin guessed.

"Model" I said as I swung my purse over my shoulder.

"Really?" Martin said surprised.

"yep" I said.

"wow, I would have never guessed" Martin said.

"yea, well if you'll excuse me I need to go get my keys" I said as I nodded my head towards the door.

"Oh right, well, I guess I'll see you around, maybe i can get your number we can, you know, catch up," by now I already had my hand on the door.

"Sure ask Lenny" I said nodding towards him and then I walked out the door. When I walked out to the street I tried to shake the overwhelming feeling that had come over my body. I couldn't say whether I was happy or surprised or just in total shock that he was here.

Driving home I had a lot to think about. Should I tell him about Denny or just lie to him and say that someone else was the father? Then there was the huge question lingering in my mind. Why wasn't I happy for him. The first time I had seen him with the blond that was his fiance, a feeling had come over me that I can't exactly explain. I felt like I was back in high school again. Like I was witnessing the pretty blond cheerleader steal my boyfriend away. It was the feeling that every girl tries to avoid. It was that feeling that a girl like me felt all to often in high school. No one would have ever thought that a girl like me could turn out to be one of New York's top models. As I pulled up at my apartment building I quickly shook the thought from my mind.

"Good afternoon Ms. Camden," The doorman greeted me.

"Hi," I said nodding my head towards him as I walked into the lobby.

"Ms. Camden," the receptionist called. I turned my head to look at her.

"yes?" I asked.

"A man is here that has been asking about you," The receptionist said and then lowering her voice added, "and might I say is quite good looking" I smiled and nodded.

"Is he still here?" I asked her.

"Yes, he is right over there" She said pointing a manicured finger in the direction of a small bench. It wasn't unusual for men to drop by the apartment building. I turned around thinking it was going to be some man in his forties that I had gotten drunk one night and had given my number to, and like she always does, no matter how many times I tell her not to, Roana had given them my address. But as I turned around and saw who was sitting there on the bench I realized that wasn't the case at all. Because sitting on that bench the face that I knew too well. It was Martin.

"Oh my God," I said under my breath. After seeing that I was looking at him Martin stood up and walked over to me.

"Good to see you too," Martin said.

"Sorry it's just..." I said. Martin looked at me with a look telling me to go on. "You can't be here" I said suddenly remembering that his son, that he didn't know about was just a few floors above us right now.

"I'm not trying to sleep with you or anything I just wanted to see you," Martin said, eyebrows raised.

"sure, but uh..." I paused trying to figure out what I was going to say. "you don't understand you really can't be here,"

"Ruthie..." he spoke with so much kindness and caring in his voice that I couldn't help but smile.

"Do you want to come up to my apartment and have a drink or something?" I asked him.

"That sounds great," Martin said smiling. I smiled back at him.

"well then, come on" I said nodding towards the elevator. We walked over and as we passed the desk I could have sworn I saw the receptionist wink at me. When we got in the elevator I pushed the button for the fifth floor and we started going up.

"It's a nice place you live in," Martin said.

"You haven't even seen my apartment yet," I said, still with a huge cheesy smile on my face.

"Well it's a nice building," He said laughing a bit. I nodded and laughed too. As the elevator reached the fifth floor it dinged and then the door cracked open. We walked out of the elevator and walked down to my apartment. I pulled the key out of my purse and opened the door,

"Holy crap," he said as he walked in.

"Roana?" I said walking into my apartment. "Donde estás?"

"Who's Roana?" Martin asked.

"our nanny" I said starting to wonder around the apartment.

"Nanny?" Martin said a little surprised. I nodded.

"Roana?" I asked again. I heard the click of a door closing and I turned to see Roana coming out of Denny's room.

"Hola Ms. Camden," She said walking over to me, "sorry I was reading Denny a bed time story,"

"oh good, is he asleep?" I asked. I glanced over at Martin to see that he had an extremely confused expression on his face.

"si" she said.

"You can go to bed if you want to,"

"gracias Ms. Camden" she said nodding and then going into her own room.

"so..." Martin said once Roana had left, "who's Denny?" that was the question that I had been dreading all night. I pulled open the fridge pulled out two cold beers.

"Denny is my son" I said looking over at Martin.

"You have a son?" Martin said looking surprised.

"yep, he's seven years old," I said walking over and handing him a beer.

"Wow," Martin said still with the same shocked look on his face.

"That means you were eighteen when you had him?" he asked me.

"yep," I said nodding hoping that he couldn't tell that I was sweating so hard and that my heart was racing right out of my chest, worried sick that he would realize what I had kept hidden for him for all these years.

"well..." Martin said looking as shocked as ever. "I guess you have changed since I've seen you last,"

"I haven't changed that much," I said getting two coffee mugs out of the cabinet.

"I'm looking over here on your mantel and I see pictures with you with, Paris Hilton, Tyra Banks, Eminem, holy crap, is that Madonna?" He said stopping a a picture I had taken the day I had run into Madonna herself in a restaurant.

"Now the old Ruthie would have never had all this," he said pointing a finger down the line of pictures and autographs. I smiled and nodded and then looked down at the ground.

"well, to change," he said holding up his beer.

"To change," I said as we clicked our beer glasses together. And then I gulped down a much needed sip of the drink.

"Speaking of change," I said after swallowing a mouthful of beer. "what have you been up to after all these years,"

"Well Aaron is living with Sandy, me and Lana are getting married soon," He said. I don't know why but it broke my heart to hear him talk about Lana.

"She seems really nice," I said lying through my teeth.

"I love her so much," Martin said taking a sip of his beer. I could feel my heart falling into pieces as he said this. I looked down at the ground trying to hide the pain that had melted my smile away.

"Well anyway enough about me," Martin said smiling and then looking at me. "What have you been up to other then having a son and meeting a bunch of famous people," I smiled and looked up at him.

"Well after I had Denny I moved to New York where I met Kristen who was already a model who helped me start up my career and then I met Lenny who used to be a fashion designer and he really just got me out there and well, here I am," I said glancing around at the apartment that I had called home for three years. But now, it looked empty, like there was nothing special about it. There were a million thought swarming through my mind and I couldn't believe what came out of my mouth next.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked looking up at him suddenly regretting what I had just asked him.

"I could ask you the same thing," He said gulping down some more beer.

"Martin, I woke up Saturday morning in that bed alone," I said trying not to let it show how scared I was.

"I had to go Ruthie," Martin said directing his glare from me down to the floor.

"I thought that I really loved you," I said. I could feel the tears start to well up behind my eyes.

"Don't do this..." Martin said sighing and running his hands through his dark hair.

"Don't do what Martin? Tell the truth? Face the facts?" I said starting to get upset.

"Ruthie..." Martin said sighing again.

"No Martin... you had to go fuck up your life and thanks to you there a is boy sitting in that room who has no idea who the hell is dad is," and then I realized what I had just said, I had told Martin the secret I had sworn to never tell a soul, that Denny was Martin's son.

"What do I have to do with..." then he got the most shocked and angry look on his face.

"Oh my God," he said looking straight at the wall in front of him.

"Denny is..." he didn't get to finish his sentence because I finished it for him.

"Your son,"

**I hope you all enjoyed it! I'll try to update soon and if you have any suggestions then feel free to send them to me! Please Read and Review! **


	3. I didn't even see the cracks

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven...**

"Martin?" I said after a long awkward minute of silence.

"Oh My God," Martin said not looking at me. I knew that he would be at a loss of words, but I didn't expect the look he got on his voice. I was expecting him to yell and scream until I burst into tears, but the look on his face was not one of a person that was angry. To my surprise Martin looked, _happy. _Don't get me wrong, he looked in shock, but, yet, happy.

"Ruthie..." Martin said sighing. "What the hell were you thinking?" He didn't say it like he was mad, but I could tell. As soon as I looked into his eyes I saw anger. Pure anger.

"Well what did you want me to do?" I asked him.

"Well, I would have liked to know that you were having my son!" he yelled.

"Did you expect me, a young girl just out of high school, to call up a guy hundreds of miles away telling him that I was pregnant with his second child?" I said at him.

"Well it would have been better then not telling me until he's six years old!" He yelled, and it must have been a little to loud because then I heard the squeaking of a door and then i heard small footsteps coming closer to us. Then, through the hallway came Denny, still in his pajamas, carrying his pillow.

"Mommy?" Denny said in a small, quiet voice.

"Oh my God, Denny, I'm so sorry baby," I said walking over to him and kneeling down so I was at his level.

"I heard you yelling," Denny said wrapping his arms around my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I was able to see Martin's face. I could tell seeing his son, who, by the way, looked exactly like him, was hard.

"I know honey," I said as I leaned over and picked him up. He put his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my neck. I turned around to face Martin.

"Um, Maybe I should go," He said pointing toward the door.

"Yea, I think that would probably be best,"

"Okay then," He said starting to walk to the door. Before he opened the door he paused to look over at us.

"Goodnight," he said before leaving. I gave him a little smile before he twisted the doorknob and left us there. And all of a sudden I had that same feeling I felt six years ago when I woke up without Martin laying beside me.

After laying Denny back down to bed I couldn't get to sleep. I laid in bed for about two hours then I got up and wondered into the kitchen. For the first time in three years the apartment looked empty. The pictures of me and famous models on the wall didn't mean a thing to me. My weight, which was once a huge issue, didn't matter anymore. Which is one of the reasons why I reached into the freezer and pulled out a carton of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and started eating it. How was it possible for a girls life to be perfect on second and then be completely screwed the next. It didn't make sense. As I dug my spoon into the carton of ice cream a billion thoughts swarmed through my head and it wasn't long before the tears started to pour from my eyes. Heartbroken, I sat there, in the five hundred dollar chairs that I had, had custom made to match my kitchen, crying my eyes out the same way I did when Martin had left me that night. It was like I was in high school all over again.

"Ms. Camden?" I suddenly snapped out of my day dream when I looked over and saw Roana standing there in the hallway in a pink bathrobe with slippers on.

"Oh, Roana I was just..." I slammed the ice cream carton down on the kitchen table and stood up. "...getting something to drink, that's all," I said starting to carry the almost empty carton of ice cream over to the sink.

"of course you were Ms. Camden," Roana said sarcastically. She started to walk over to the sink where I had set the ice cream.

"Oh my lord," she said looking down into the carton. "this is bad,"

"Roana," I said trying to contain myself. "Everything is fine, I'm fine,"

"I'm not stupid Ms. Camden," Roana said starting to rinse out the last few remains of the ice cream.

"I never said you were," I protested.

"Doy para arriba," Roana said under her breath. (_I give up). _Roana started to clean up a little bit when she suddenly froze. She then turned around and looked at me.

"Ese erea el, that was him," She said with a huge grin on her face.

"What?" I said with a shocked look on my face.

"That the Denny's father," she said quietly.

"Roana, Pensé que mi vida era perfecta ," _(I thought my life was perfect) _I said finally admitting it out loud.

"Ms. Camden, no one's life is perfect," she said walking over towards me. Now suddenly it seemed like she was more than just a nanny for Denny and a maid for me, it was like she was a friend.

"Sé, Sé, I know," I said starting to cry again. My whole life was shattering into pieces right in front of my eyes, and you know what the worse part is, I didn't even notice the cracks. Before I knew it I had wrapped my arms around Roana's neck and I was crying into her shoulder. I needed a shoulder to cry on. I needed her there. Roana gently rubbed my back in an attempt to calm me down. But, it wasn't working. Roana stayed up with me that entire night. She talked, I listened. She helped my a hell of a lot but it wasn't enough to just continue on with my life like Martin had never happened. The day after I had my break down I didn't go to work. I had called Lenny and he had cancelled all the shoots I had, had for that day. Roana was out running errands while I was at home in bebe sweats sitting in bed watching General Hospital and eating Double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. As I watched Ida admit to Felicia that she saw who killed Alcazar I heard a knock on the door. I put my carton of ice cream on the side table and walked into the living room where I opened the door to see Martin standing there.

"Where is he?" Martin said barging into the living room.

"Where is who?" I asked him as I closed the door.

"My son, where is he?" Martin said.

"Denny is at school," I said walking over to him. "Martin, why the hell did you come here?"

"What, you tell me I have a son and you just expect me to disappear from your life?" he said still not making eye contact with me.

"You haven't been here for the past seven years, I didn't expect for you to be here now," I said calmly. For a few seconds Martin stood there not saying a word and the only thing I could here was the sounds of General Hospital echoing from my bedroom.

"Well Ruthie, you didn't give me much choice then,"

"Your the one that left!" I yelled motioning my hand toward him.

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that I had a son!" He yelled.

"You could have called..." I started. But, he didn't let me finish.

"YOU COULD HAVE TOO!" He yelled.

"Martin please just..."

"NO RUTHIE! I'm not taking this anymore! For the past seven years you have tried to forget the fact that we ever loved each other, and I bet if you never had Denny you would have completely forgotten I existed! And I understand you're a huge model who can have anything you ever wanted, you can be slut, but no one will ever call you a slut because you're Ruthie Camden, big time model in New York right?"

"No...no...that's not true," I said starting to cry.

"and you can be a huge bitch but no one cares..." I didn't let him finish when I cut him off.

"OH AND LOOK WHO'S TALKING! YOU GOT SANDY PREGNANT WHEN YOU WERE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD MARTIN! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER! PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE BARLEY EIGHTEEN AND YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LOVE YOU BACK AND HE'S ABOUT TO BE A FATHER WITH A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE HIM BACK, AND THEN..." I started to calm down a little bit and lowered my voice.

"And then you get one chance, and you share with him the most passionate night that many people would never even experience and then the next morning you wake up... and he's gone... How the hell would you..." and I never got to finish that sentence. Because just then Martin pulled me into the most passionate kiss I had ever felt.

**This chapter sucked, I know. I needed to put in there though and I needed that kiss to happen, the next one I will try to make more interesting, and to any General Hospital fans I tried to make my references correct if I had anything wrong please tell me and I will fix it, thanks for reading! Please Review!**


	4. Wedding day

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

"So tell me again why I'm doing this?" Lenny asked me as we walked through the white gates covered in ivy that lead into the a huge garden which was filled with tables. We were at Martin and Lana's rehearsal dinner. And trust me I did not want to be there. After that faithful night when Martin kissed me nothing has been the same. Over the past month Martin and Denny had become quite close. He spent every weekend with him and his wife to be.

"Ruthie!" I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see Martin. I smiled and walked up to him, Lenny close behind me.

"hey!" I said as I gave him a friendly hug.

"glad you could come!" Martin said smiling. Before i could say anything else the tall blond Lana walked over to us.

"RUTHIE!" she said in that same high pitched squeaky voice. " Oh my God! I'm so glad you could come!" At this point she had thrown her arms around my neck and was hugging me.

"well, I'm glad I could make it," I said with the most enthusiasm I could choke up at the time.

"Baby we need to go over to the center table to greet the Andersons," she said as she moved her hands from around my neck to Martin's waste and chest. The way that her french manicured finger stoked his chest made me hate her even more. If that was possible.

"Oh that's right, we better go," Martin said as he returned the gesture and wrapped his arm around her waste.

"Well, I guess I'll talk to you later," Martin said as he turned around and walked away.

"I hate that bitch already," Lenny whispered in my ear as soon as Martin and Lana walked away.

"Join the club," I said sighing.

For the next three hours all Lenny and I did was walk around the garden (which as I found out, wasn't really a garden at all, it was just a huge open field that needed a fancy name) and talk about how ugly people's shoes were. Once the actual rehearsal part of the dinner was over you were free to leave. And believe me, I would have, except that Lana stopped me right as I was supposed to leave.

"Oh Ruthie," she said as she tapped my shoulder. I turned to face her.

"I just wanted to give you one of these..." she said as she reached inside a large plastic bag and pulled out a small card that on the front, said; _You're Invited... _as I opened it up I saw that it was an invitation to a bachelorette party.

"Oh," I said as I read through it.

"Yea well, I just thought sense me and Martin are getting married and you two seem so close, it's like you grew up together and I think it's important to get to know you," she said smiling.

"But your wedding tomorrow," I said looking kind of confused at how she could have a bachelorette when her wedding was the next day.

"Well I'm really not into that whole, going out getting drunk flashing my boobs to every guy that walks by kind of thing," she said shaking her head. "So me and some girlfriends of mine decided that we are going to spend the day getting massages, facials, pedicures, manicures, hair, make up, all that fun stuff," she said smiling. "I know sense you are a model that you probably do all this stuff on a daily basis but I really just..."

"I'd love to come," I said cutting her off. I thought that if I had to listen to the mouse voice any longer that I would scream.

"Oh my God!" she said as she clapped and jumped up and down a few times like she was in Jr. High.

"Well, all the information is on the card and I can't wait to see you there!" she said smiling as she walked away. After she left I turned to walk out of the white gates that had lead me into this hell on earth. Lenny was waiting for me by the car.

"So what the hell was that about?" Lenny asked as I walked over to him.

"I got invited to a girl day out with Lana," I said waving the invitation in his face.

"oh my," he said as he unlocked the car.

"that was my exact reaction,"

When I woke up to the loud screeching of my alarm clock I knew that I had to get up, no matter how much I wanted to stay in bed instead of going to Lana's "Girls day out" Martin's wedding was tonight and I just wanted to have a day where I do nothing but lounge around my house eating Double chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream watching General Hospital. But, that wasn't happening. I dragged myself out of bed, took a shower and then slipped on a pair of jeans and green cami underneath a tan jacket. Roana and Denny weren't even up yet when I left the apartment. As I got into my car I started to think about why I hated Lana so much. If I had just met her on the street and she wasn't engaged to Martin I would thins she was pretty nice, but the fact that she had Martin, and she was the one thing standing in the way of Martin and I being together, was what made me hate her.

When I arrived at the huge white house that Martin and Lana lived with I saw a huge group of cars sitting in the driveway. Once I parked I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. Lana was the one who answered.

"Ruthie!" She said pulling me into a hug. "I'm so happy you could come,"

"Oh, well, I'm glad I could make it," I said awkwardly.

"Me and the girls were just about to leave for our nine thirty manicure appointment.

"Oh, okay," I said as the long line of woman who I guess were her bridesmaids paraded out of the house. The next thing I knew I was back in my car following behind one of the "girl's" cars. Once we reached the nail salon we all paraded in through the door and took a seat in the lobby.

"Your names Ruthie right?" the girl sitting next to me asked.

"Yea," I said smiling.

"I'm Rachel," the woman said extending her hand for me to shake. I did.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"So how do you and Martin know each other?" she asked. It was then I realized that everyone in that nail salon was listening to me.

"Oh, we go way back," I said trying to get off the subject.

"Is he an old flame of yours?" she asked me.

"I wouldn't put it that way..."

"Don't you have a child with him?" One of the other girls interrupted.

"Yes but..." I tried to say.

"I told you there was sex," one of the girl said to another.

"But you see it wasn't..." I tried to say.

"Did he leave you or something?" Another girl asked. I glanced over and saw Lana looking heartbroken.

"No, okay, no!" I said sternly. They stopped. But for the rest of the day they basically ignored me, through the massages, facials, getting hair done, and getting make up done, only three words were said to me. And when I was about to leave, Lana didn't hug me. All she said to me was "See you later"

I did not want to go to the wedding. I couldn't go to the wedding. The first thing I did when I walked in the door of my apartment was rum over to the freezer and get a carton of ice cream and a beer. I then flipped on SOAPnet and started watching All my Children. I knew that the wedding was starting in two hours but I couldn't go, I couldn't face him. There's no telling what I could do. By the time I reached the bottom of the ice cream container and had finished up three beers, it was 5:15, which meant they were already fifteen minutes into the wedding. I can't explain why I did what I did next. Maybe it was because I was drunk, maybe I was feeling brave, or maybe I was just head over heels in love. I grabbed my purse and my jacket and walked out the door. I headed down to my car. Although I was more than a little tipsy, that didn't stop me. Driving fifteen miles over the speed limit I drove to the church where Martin was getting married. I pulled up in front of the church entrance and got out of the car. I could feel my heart beating as I allowed my hand to rest on the door to the chapel. When the minister got to the point where he asked if anyone objected to this marriage I knew that this was my time. With all the strength in my body I pushed those door wide open and scream at the top of my lungs, "You can't marry her Martin!"

**I was home sick for one day of school and that is why I wrote this so quickly. After re-reading it I guess it was kind of rushed and probably not the best chapter but I hoped you liked it! Thank you to all the faithful readers! and some of you have been asking how old Ruthie is and the answer is she is 24. thank for reading, please review!**


	5. Pick me

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

Every single eye was on me. I was used to people judging me as soon as they saw me but not like this. I was standing there drunk, mascara running down my face in sweatpants that had juicy written across the butt and a white tank top that you could see my black bra through which had a huge ice cream stain on it. I could tell everyone was holding there breath, in total shock about what had just happened. The minister was the first to break the silence.

"Excuse me miss?" he asked me peering over the rim of his glasses.

"Ruthie..." Martin said almost in a whisper under his breath. But I heard him and I knew everyone in the entire chapel heard him.

"Is there a problem miss?" The minister asked me again.

"Yes, yes there is a problem," I said as I slowly started to walk up the isle. "Martin you can't marry her!" I tried to hold back the tear but soon enough the dam I had tried to build broke and the river started to flow out of my eyes.

"We had something that no two people in this world could have together. We loved each other more than Romeo and Juliet and you know it! That night that we shared seven years ago was the best night of my life. And then, waking up and knowing you weren't beside me killed me. When I found out I was pregnant I had to lie to my parents so they wouldn't know that you were the father! I was thinking he had to have left me for a reason right? he a dad now, he doesn't need another kid with someone who's like a sister to him. I told my parents that it was my boyfriend's baby and then two weeks later I got on a plane to New York," I had now reached the alter and I stood there looking up at Martin.

"And now... now here I am, seven years later, I'm standing here feeling the exact same thing that you left me with seven years ago, I feel empty inside. You said that you loved me that night. But if you really loved me that would have been me standing up there!" I said motioning my hand towards Lana. I saw Martin look over at Lana who was in total shock. As I saw him look back and forth between Lana and I, I knew what I had to say.

"Pick me Martin, choose me, please, just pick me," I said with all the voice I had left in me. Martin continued looking back and forth between Lana and me. And then I saw the one thing I never thought would happen. Martin started walking towards me, wether he was going to throw me out of the chapel and tell me to get the hell away from him or pick me up in his arms, I had no idea, all I knew was that he had listened. I had finally told him what I had wanted to tell him my whole life to. To pick me. As he walked towards me Lana grabbed the arm of his suite jacket,

"What the hell are you doing?" she said in a low toned voice.

"I'm sorry Lana," He said getting out of her grip on his sleeve. Then he started walking towards me again. I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. then when he finally reached me he did the unthinkable. He wrapped one of his arms around my waist and then he kissed me.

**I know, I know, this chapter was so short. I'm sorry about that but as I started to write about what happened next I realized that it would be better to put it all in one long chapter then try to cut it in half, so I'm very sorry! Please review and tell me what you think! I promise a new chapter soon!**


	6. All I ever wanted

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

Up until now I had lied my whole life just like the stereotype model would. The only time you have a relationship with the opposite sex was through your gay assistant or when you were drunk and ended up going home with either a perverted twenty two year old you met at a bar or a fifty year old guy who hadn't had sex in five years. It's the type of life I lived. Every decent guy I ever got in a relationship with thought I was a stuck up anorexic model who didn't give a damn about anyone but myself. But, not Martin. Martin was different then all those other guys and I had been blind to it all along. He didn't look at me as the top model in New York. He looked at me as Ruthie Camden, the girl who made her boyfriend buy tampons for her when she got her period, the girl who new everything about everyone in the Camden household, the girl who had fallen in love with Martin Brewer in high school and the girl that still has been in love with him all this time.

I knew Martin was up when I heard the shower start to run as I laid in bed at the Hotel. I sat up as I heard him walk from the bathroom back into the main room.

"Hey, your up" Martin said walking over to the bed.

"Yea, I'm up," I said sitting up a little more. Martin walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. He placed his arm around my waist and gave me a quick kiss.

"I'm about to take a shower..." Martin hinted.

"I kinda figured that," I said smiling.

"so do you... uh..." he said. He acted like he was in high school again, the scared, intimidated boy asking a girl to prom.

"are you asking me if I want to take a shower with you?" I asked him smiling.

"Maybe," he said, smiling back at me. I answered him by kissing him on the lips. He knew what my answer was. I crawled up into his lap still passionately kissing him. He scooted over towards the edge of the bed and stood up, still holding me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and I pulled away from his lips.

"Is that a yes?" Martin asked smiling. Once again I responded by kissing him, this time a little harder and a little more passionate, if that was even possible. As we got closer to the bathroom I pulled away from kissing him once again to remove his shirt. I ran my hands up his bare chest until I reached his neck. I wrapped my hands around him and kissed him again. The next time it wasn't me who pulled away but it was Martin. Martin hesitated before the three words rolled off his tongue.

"I love you Ruthie," Martin said smiling. I ran my hands up his bare chest until I reached his neck and I wrapped my hands around him.

"I love you too, I love you so much," I smiled and added, "I always have,"

Martin smiled and then started kissing me again. When we reached the bathroom he set me down and reached his hand into the shower to check the temperature of the water. I started to take off my white tank top I was wearing as he started to take off his boxers. He shared a passionate kiss before we both got into the shower. I don't think I need to say what happened after that.

After the shower and making love a few times more, we finally got dressed and started to get ready to leave the hotel. When we were finally ready we went down to my car. I got in the passengers seat and let Martin drive.

"You okay?" Martin asked me when we were about a half hour into the drive.

"Ya it's just... Is this all we are?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?" he asked me.

"I mean, we had sex and yea it was great but... I wanna be more than that, I wanna start from the beginning, I wanna open a new door in this relationship,"

"That sounds good, it'll be good to open a new door and to start fresh," Martin said smiling.

"You mean it?" I asked smiling back at him.

"I really do," he said.

"do you wanna go grab a bite to eat tonight?" There he was acting like a teenager again, asking a girl out. I laughed and then replied,

"I'd love to," I said

"Seven sound goo to you?" he asked.

"Sounds great," I said smiling. I reached over to Martin leg and placed my hand on his thigh.

"I love you," I said looking up at him.

"I love you too baby," he said. I knew that I had never been happier. I knew that I never would be happier. I knew that we were in love, and we always would be.

When I arrived home I was greeted by a very frantic Roana.

"¡Oh mi dios! ¡Hemos sido enfermo preocupado! ¿dónde el infierno era tú?" which basically translated into, where the hell were you, we've been worried sick.

"Sorry, Roana, my phone must have been off," I said happily.

"Where were you. Denny has been scared to death," Roana said.

"Where is Denny?" I asked her.

"en alli," she said pointing towards his room.

"gracias," I said as I walked towards his room. When I reached his door I cracked it open just enough to see he was asleep. I flipped off his lights off and walked over to my room. I took a quick shower and then started to get dressed for my date that night. After going through many shirts I decided on a black and white striped dress with black shoes, a long necklace, and black chandelier earrings. At exactly seven o'clock I heard a knock on the door. I felt my heart skip a beat as I went to answer the door. What I saw surprised me. It was Martin alright. But he was wearing old jeans with old paint stains on them and an old t-shirt that had too many stains to count.

"I thought we were going out, am I too dressed up? Oh God, umm... let me go change," I started to walked away from the very casually dressed Martin when he grabbed me be the arm.

"We're not going out Ruthie," he said looking angry and sad.

"Why not?" I asked him.

"We can't do this, I can't do this," he said with that look in his eyes, the same look he got when he was about to tell me about Sandy's pregnancy.

"Why not, this morning you were so excited to start a new life to open a new door, what happened?" I said feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Lana called me today..." he said.

"so?" I asked him.

"She's pregnant Ruthie." after Martin had said that I felt my entire world, shatter into a million pieces.

**Sorry it took me so long to updates, I've been sick and on top of that school work has been piling up! I'll try to update sooner this time! Tell me what you think!**


	7. Facing the Truth

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven**

I had grown up living a lie, and then for one second I thought that lie had become a truth, then the next thing I knew, it was ripped away from me, all over again. I laid there in my little black dress, the stiletto heels laying on the ground next to the couch, the couch I had been laying on since Martin had left. A half empty bottle of wine sat in my lap. Every once in a while I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, all I saw was a woman who's eyeliner had run down her cheeks. I had laid there for five hours, just staring at the wall. Even when I heard Roana, I completely ignored her. When I heard my cell phone ring, I ignored it. The last puzzle piece to my life had run away, and he had taken every other piece of my life with him. When I heard the door open I ignored it. I tried to at least, that was until I heard the high pitched voice of Lenny.

"You weren't picking up your cell and you didn't come to you pedicure so I thought something maybe..." he stopped when he saw me lying on the couch.

"What the hell happened yo you?" he said looking me up and down. My response was bursting into loud, whaling sobs.

"Oh my God, this is bad," he said taking off his denim jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. He walked over to me and sat down beside the couch.

"Okay," he said trying to wedge the bottle of wine out from between my fingers, "spill,"

"I stopped Martin's wedding," I said not making direct eye contact with him.

"Oh, well, that's good right?"

"I thought it was," I said trying not to break down all over again.

"What happened?" Lenny asked, still confused.

"I barged into his wedding in a fucking see through top and knock off juicy couture sweats and told him to chose me,"

"and..."

"he chose me," I said staring straight up at the ceiling.

"Oh, wow," Lenny said.

"Ya and then we jumped in his car, which still had 'just married' painted on the back and we ran off to a motel where we had sex, lots and lots of sex"

"Oh my God!" Lenny said once again.

"Yup and then he told me he loved me and how we were always gonna be together and how this was a fresh start... and how he had left his old life behind,"

"wow, he sounds... serious,"

"yea, and I thought he was... how goddamn stupid was I to think he meant it!" I said between tears.

"he wasn't serious?" Lenny asked.

"No he wasn't serious!" I yelled, "he marched in hear about five hours ago to tell me he can't have a relationship with me cause that bitch is pregnant!"

"by bitch you mean..."

"Ya his ex," I said.

"Ouch"

"No shit," I said.

"I really thought he loved me...I really really..." I was cut of when another stream of tears started to flow from my eyes. Lenny placed his hand on my knee. Lenny never really was the sympathetic type it was always '_Get over it or get the hell out of my way' _kind of thing. But he knew, he knew I had loved Martin.

"It'll all be okay..." Lenny staid to me.

"I really wish I could believe that," I told him.

"So why don't you?" Lenny asked me.

"Because, he already lost four years with Denny, he's not gonna let that happen again," I said as I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling above. Lenny gave me an awkward smile and then looked down at the ground and nodded to himself.

"Ruthie, if this guy really, really, loves you, like the way you love him, he'll come back" Lenny looked back up at me and added "trust me"

"thanks Lenny," I said as I propped my self up off the couch far enough to wrap my arms around Lenny hugged him.

"Hey, that's what friends are for," Lenny said as we pulled away form each other. I smiled before laying back down onto the couch.

I wanted to believe what Lenny said about Martin coming back to me, but, I knew that I couldn't. I knew that Martin needed to be with Lana. I knew that Martin wanted to be a real father. Not one that just sees his son every weekend for a trip to the zoo. But, one that is there every morning when his child goes off to school. One that is there through the good and the bad. One that is married to the child's mom. And, knowing Martin, that was exactly what he was going to do. Marry Lana, the mother of his soon to be child.

The next morning I woke up on the couch, still in my black dress. I couldn't really tell you the reason I did what I did next. Whether it was the effects of the wine from the night before or just out of pure anger, and maybe wanting to say goodbye one last time. But, I hopped into my car and started driving to Lana's house. People always say that love can make you do crazy things, but lately, every single thing I did seemed to be something I ended up regretting later. When I pulled up into the driveway of the huge house I could see to shadows, a man and a woman, moving around in the upstairs bedroom. I assumed it was Lana and Martin. I started to walk up the sidewalk to the two, large, french door. I rang the door bell, and waited. I heard, what sounded like someone running around upstairs and then running down to the door. I was surprised to see a very frantic looking Lana open the door.

"I was wondering if we could... maybe... you know... talk... or something," I said nervously.

"Nows not a good time..." Lana said. I noticed she was wearing a men's button down shirt, no pants, and her hair was messed up. I cringed at the thought that her and Martin had just been doing what me and Martin had been doing just two days ago.

"Baby, who's at the door?" I heard a man's voice from the top floor yell down to her, but, it wasn't Martin's voice.

"dammit Chris," I heard Lana say under her breath.

"Chris?" I looked at her, eyebrows raised.

"uh..." Lana started as a tall, fit, man walked down the stairs in only a pair of jeans and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Chris..." she said as she pulled away as he started to kiss her ear.

"Why don't you come in..." Lana said as she opened the door a little further. "I think we have a lot to talk about,"

**Sorry about posting the same thing twice, I must have imported the wrong thing! Sorry once again, please read an review!!**


	8. A Drunken Mistake

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

As I drove down the street back from Lana's house I couldn't resist pulling off the road when I saw a sign for a bar. I turned off the road and parked my BMW in front of the entrance of the small building. I grabbed the keys out of the ignition, threw them in my purse, and walked in. The lady behind the bar gave me a big smile which revealed her cigarette stained teeth.

"Can I get you anything hun?" she asked me as I sat down at the bar.

"Just a beer would be great," I said setting my purse down next to me.

"Coming right up," she said smiling as she turned around to fetch me the beer.

"Ruthie Camden?" I heard someone say from behind me. I turned around and couldn't even believe who I saw.

"Robbie Palmer?" I said as a smile started to cross my face.

"I don't believe it," Robbie said as he started to walk closer to me. I got out of the bar stool and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug.

"I can't believe I ran into you," I said as we pulled away from each other.

"You've grown up," he said as we started walking towards the bar.

"I guess you could say that," I said smiling.

"Well, what has little Ruthie Camden been up to?" he asked.

"I'm a model," I said proudly as I took the first big gulp of my beer.

"Holy shit," he said looking me up and down.

"You sound surprised," I said setting the glass back down on the bar.

"Well, I am, little Ruthie being a model, wow," he said. I laughed and looked over at him.

"How about you? What have you been up to the past seventeen years?" I asked.

"I got married," he started.

"Really? Congratulations," I said smiling.

"My wife and I had three kids, two boys and one girl," He said.

"Oh my God," I said still with a huge, cheesy smile on my face.

"Then we got a divorce," he said looking down at the bar.

"Oh," I said. "You know I have a little boy at home,"

"Are you serious?" he asked smiling.

"Yup, he's six years old, his name is Denny," I said as I looked back up at Robbie.

"So uh... who's the daddy?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"You probably don't remember him..." I started but, Robbie cut me off.

"Oh, It's someone I know?" he said curiously.

"It's someone you've met before," I said.

"Who?" he asked still with the same curiosity in his voice.

"Martin Brewer," I saw the look on his face go from curiosity to pure and utter disbelief.

"The baseball freak?" he asked.

"Yea... yea that was him," I said starting to get a bit embarrassed.

"When?" he asked.

"I was eighteen," I told him.

"Holy shit..." he mumbled under his breath. "You've really changed," I gave him a weak smile and continued drinking my beer. It was like my entire life flashed before me. It was like I was being compared to this perfect girl, the girl that was fun, weird, sometimes a rebel but n most ways a good girl, a good student, a good daughter, a good sister and that girl used to be me. Now here I was, I was eating nothing but diet food to try to make sure I could fit in that size 0 with no problems. I weighed 110 pounds, I had a baby with this guy I loved but he didn't love me back. Now, I never see my parents. The last time I talked to them was Christmas of the last year. I don't take care of my son, I have Roana do it for me. I sleep around, I'm a bitch, I need things to go my way and nothing but my way. I was the girl I swore I would never be. I was the type of girl I would have mad fun of ten years ago. My entire world broke, and what the sad thing was, I never even saw the cracks before it crumbled.

I sat there talking with Robbie until the bartender kicked us out. By then, I was so drunk, I could barely stand up.

"Jesus Christ," I said as I stumbled out of the doorway of the bar.

"You are so wasted right now," Robbie said as he held me around my waist trying to help me get to my car. "There is no way I'm letting you drive home," he told me.

"Fine, fine, fine, fine," I said as I got into the passenger's seat.

"I thought the day I saw Ruthie Camden this drunk would be the day Donald Trump went poor," Robbie said as he slid into the driver's seat.

"I met him you know," I said as I looked over at Robbie.

"Who? Donald Trump?" Robbie asked me.

"yup, and let me tell you something," I lowered my voice as if it was secret, "he wanted me so bad,"

"Of course he did," Robbie said as he started to look around my car for the car keys.

"You know, Martin's really sexy, who could blame me for sleeping with him..." I started.

"Where the hell are your keys?" Robbie asked as he looked around in the car.

"my purse..." I said as I laid my head on the back of the seat.

"Well, where's your purse?" he asked. I guess the alcohol made me numb to the problem we had at hand, so, I simply pointed to the entrance of the bar.

"You left it inside?" he said in complete shock.

"Why don't we take your car? Oh, that's right, cause your divorced and poor and don't have any money, unlike me, I'm a supermodel who Donald Trump wants to see naked!" I said as I laughed very loudly.

"We're gonna have to stay here, in the car tonight," Robbie said as he reclined the seat of the BMW a bit.

"I have had so much sex in this car, probably the youngest guy being eighteen and the oldest one being seventy-two," I said as I looked over at Robbie.

"That's nice Ruthie," He said as he started to close his eyes in what I guess was an attempt to fall asleep.

"You know, if you think I'm a slut, I'm not Lana's the real slut," I said.

"Who the hell is Lana?" Robbie asked.

"Martin's pregnant wife, no actually I broke up there wedding so she's not his wife,"

"I thought you said you were with Martin," Robbie asked with a surprised look on his face.

"No, I was, for like a week," I said.

"He's getting married?" Robbie asked confused.

"Ya, to a SLUT!" I said laughing.

"hmm," Robbie said.

"You're really sexy," I said as I looked Robbie up and down. Without the alcohol I would have never said something like that. While I admit, Robbie is not, you know, hideous looking or anything, he's no Brad Pitt.

"What?" Robbie said looking really confused.

"I know you want me," I said as I leaned over to Robbie and started to kiss his ear.

"Ruthie, you're drunk," he said as he gently pushed me away.

"So?" I said as I leaned over and stuck my tongue in his mouth. This time, he didn't resist. In my heart, I knew what I was about to do with Robbie was wrong, but the alcohol overpowered my conscience at that time. And when Robbie stuck his hand up my shirt and started to mess with my bra strap I didn't say anything. And then, the next thing I knew, Robbie and I were having sex.

**For this Chapter I thought about using Peter for the guy but then I decided not to, I don't know. Hopefully these last few pretty dull chapters will get better soon. I'm thinking about ending this story soon. Tell me what you think!**


	9. Broken

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th heaven**

When the morning sun shown threw my car window I woke up. My first thought was _'why the hell am I in my car?' _Then I saw him, Robbie, laying there. Naked.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed very loudly as I rose up and hit my head on the roof of the BMW.

"I see you're awake," Robbie said sitting up.

"Holy shit, you're naked. Oh my God..."I said as I grabbed Robbie's shirt off the front shirt to cover my bare body.

"What?" Robbie asked.

"We had sex... oh my God... oh my God... I had sex with Robbie Palmer" I said quietly.

"Ruthie..." Robbie said as he started to place his hand on my thigh.

"Please," I said as I pushed his hand off my leg, "Don't touch me,"

"Ruthie you were drunk... you were really... really... drunk," He said as he looked at me with regret in his eyes.

"I need to go home..." I said as I started to gather my clothes up from the car. "I need to see Denny, I need to go home... where the hell is my purse?" I said asked as I looked around the car.

"You left it inside the bar last night," Robbie said.

"Great," I said as I grabbed my jeans off the car floor. I needed to get out of that car. I knew that Robbie liked the fact that he had sex with me, but it's just something a little too weird about sitting in a car with Robbie, naked, after sleeping with him the night before. And on top of that, couldn't even remember it. But, then again, maybe that was a good thing.

"I need to get out of here..." I said as I started to button up Robbie's shirt.

"Ruthie, come on," Robbie said as he tried to grab my hands from buttoning the shirt.

"Get off me!" I said as I pushed him away once again.

"Well how the hell are you gonna get home when you don't have your keys," He said with a smirk creeping across his face.

"I'll walk!" I said as I got out of the car and slammed the door in Robbie's face.

"Hey," Robbie said as he opened the door again, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO HAVE SEX!" Robbie yelled. I stopped walking and turned around.

"I was drunk, you weren't," I said as I gave him an '_are you kidding me?'_ look and pointed my finger at him.

"So?" he said as he let out a quiet laugh. I shook my head and then turned on my heel.

"Go to hell!" I screamed as I walked away.

"I'll see you there!" Robbie said. In response I stuck my middle finger in the air without bothering to look back. As I started walking.

After realizing that my house was twenty miles away from the bar I was at last night I decided to give up on walking. After one torturous hour of trying to heal a cab one finally came over to me. Then, realizing I didn't have any money, I spent a half hour trying to tell the old cab driver that I was a famous model and if he gave me a ride home I swore that I would give him an autograph. After finally persuading the old man, he agreed and gave me a ride home.

I must have looked like shit because as I walked through the lobby I got tons of disgusted looks. But I didn't care, I needed to get home. The thought of Robbie touching me in the way he did and actually having sex with me was starting to make me sick. Robbie. I mean Robbie. Of all people I had to run into Robbie, get drunk with Robbie, have sex with Robbie. God, the thought of his name even made me cringe.

When I reached the sixth floor the elevator dinged and the doors opened. I stormed to my apartment when I reached the door I banged my fists against the door until Roana finally answered.

"¡Ah gracias a Dios¿dónde el infierno ha sido usted?" Roana said which basically meant Oh thank God, where the hell have you been.

"No quiero hablar de ello!" I shouted, which meant I don't wanna talk about it. I breezed right by her until I got to my room. I slammed the door shut and immediately ripped off the old blue button up shirt I was wearing. The scent of his cologne still lingered on my body. As I threw the shirt on the ground I ripped off the jeans I was wearing as well. As I threw the clothes into a hamper that was sitting by my bed I stormed into my bathroom where I yanked open the shower door and turned on the shower. I felt dirty, I felt like a slut. I needed the shower to wash Robbie's touch from my skin. I needed Martin's memory out of my heart, I needed things to go back to the way they were. I needed things to be normal.

As I felt the warm water hit my bare skin I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. Why did this have to happen? How the hell did I end up here? What the fuck happened with my life? All I want is for Martin to hold me, kiss me, tell me that it's okay. But he's with Lana. But Lana's off being held by Chris.

As the water dripped off my skin I walked backwards until my back was touching the shower wall. The tears turned to sobs as I slid down the wall until I found myself sitting on the shower floor. As the water hit my body I could fear the tears running down my cheeks as I burried my head in my hands and allowed all the pain and heart break I had gone through flow through my eyes.

**A/N: Okay, I am so so so so so sorry for not updating this story in three months! Now that I'm out of school I'm gonna be trying to update this story a whole lot more often. I know that this is a short chapter but I'm almost curious to see if people will still want to read it. I mean, it's been so long. Please tell me what you thought!**


	10. Everything Lost

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven**

When I heard my alarm clock go off early on Monday morning I laid in bed praying, that it had all been a dream, the entire thing with Robbie was some weird way of my brain telling me that I loved Martin more then anything in the world. But, As I opened my eyes I saw the blue button down shirt lying at the foot of the bed.

"Dammit," I said quietly under my breath as I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. As much as I wanted to curl up in front of the TV with a can of beer and a container of chocolate cookie dough ice cream, I knew I couldn't. This morning I had a photo shoot for the first time in weeks. Lenny was supposed to be here at nine, it was already 8:45. He was gonna kill me.

As I pulled the covers off of my body, the cold air hit my skin, sending goose bumps up my spine. Almost in a trance I walked to my closet where I pulled out a pair of Tru religion jeans and a plain white t-shirt. As I slipped them over my body I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess from not drying it after I had taken a shower last night. My skin was starting to get blotchy from not using all the creams I used to. I was starting to grow a slight uni-brow from not plucking my eye brows in so long. God, what the hell has happened to me?

"Ruthie!" I heard a familiar voice from the living room.

"In here!" I yelled from inside my closet. I heard footsteps coming and then Lenny's face appeared in my door way.

"I brought you coffee," he said as he waved a Starbucks coffee in my face.

"You're a life saver," I said I pulled my hair back into a messy bun.

"Well, little Ms. Ruthie Camden, did someone have sex last night?" Lenny said.

"What?" I said totally confused about what he was talking about. With his free hand Lenny pointed to his neck.

"What are you-" I asked as I walked over to the mirror, "Oh, great," I said noticing the quite large hickey that Robbie must have left on my neck.

"So, was it that Martin guy?" Lenny asked with a grin across his lips.

"No, not even close," I said as I walked into my bathroom in search of some cover up.

"Oh great, don't tell me you hooked up with another eighteen year old still in high school," Lenny said as he followed me.

"Ok, that was one time and... it was dark, he looked older," I said, yanking my cabinet door open.

"Not another retired man..." Lenny said laughing.

"Shut up!" I said lightly smacking his shoulder.

"Then who was it?" Lenny asked.

"This guy I grew up with..." I said as I rubbed the cover up on the hickey.

"Oh, I see, old flame?" Lenny asked leaning against the door way.

"No, God he was like six years older than me!" I said throwing the cover up on the counter.

"Ha! I knew it was an older man!" Lenny said as he teasingly pointed a finger at me.

"Shut up!" I said as I walked back into my closet where I grabbed a pair of black pumps and slipped them on.

"Alright, let's get this over with," I said as I took my coffee from him. Lenny smiled and followed me out of the house.

When we arrived at the studio we saw Kristen pacing my the door. Once she saw Lenny's car pull up she ran over to us, or rather tried her best to run since she was wearing heels.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked as she stared at the both of us.

"I had a long night, sorry," I said as I stepped out of the car.

"I have been trying and trying to call your cell," she said as she started walking with me into the building.

"I left my cell inside a bar two days ago, haven't seen it since," I said not wanting to get into detail about how exactly my phone had ended p in that bar to begin with. Kristen rolled her eyes as we entered the studio.

"Okay, so I'm guessing you two are Kristen and Ruthie?" A very tall woman with an Australian accent asked us as we walked in the door.

"Yes, nice to meet you," Kristen said, extending a hand, I did the same as well.

"So which one of you is which?" the women asked us.

"I'm Kristen this is Ruthie," she said as she motioned in my direction.

"Wonderful to meet you, I'm Laura Abbott, your clothes are right over there," she said pointing in the direction of a clothing rack.

"Great," I said as Kristen and I walked over to the rack of clothes. I grabbed a pair of jeans and pink shirt that was hanging there. I walked into the dressing room and slipped off my own jeans and slipped the new ones on. After struggling for a bit I finally got them to my waist, then, to my surprise, they wouldn't zip up.

"Lenny," I said quietly as I stuck my head out of the curtain that I was changing behind. Lenny turned to see me and walked over.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"The jeans don't fit," I said as my cheeks started to get hot.

"What do you mean their don't fit?" he asked.

"I mean," I said as I dropped the curtain from my body to reveal the unzipped jeans that sat on my waist, "they don't fit,"

"Well, what size is it?" Lenny asked.

"I don't know I said as I pulled on the beck to try to see a size. Lenny grabbed the jeans and read the size. A very worried expression crossed his face.

"What size are they?" I asked, almost afraid to here the answer.

"Two," he said looking at me straight in the eye, I was shocked, a two?

"Two? Zeros are normally too small for me!" I said in a whiney, high pitched voice.

"Is there a problem?" I heard someone with a very deep Australian accent ask.

"These jeans don't fit her," Lenny said as he back away from the curtain.

"Oh, are they the size 0?" the tall lady asked as she looked at me.

"No, their the two," Lenny said.

"Okay, well, I'm afraid we don't have any bigger sizes, you can either try to squeeze into them or just sit this shoot out. God, I guess with all the stress I had been under I didn't notice that I had gained weight.

The rest of the day I sat across the street in a diner waiting for the shoot to get out. Unable to drive my self home I had to wait for Lenny to finish helping Kristen with the shoot. When the two of them finally walked into the Diner, it was almost nine o'clock. They were both laughing, looked like it had been a fun photo shoot.

"Alright, you ready to go?" Lenny asked as he walked over to the booth I was sitting in.

"More than you will ever know," I said as I stood from the booth. The entire drive home Lenny talked non stop about getting me a personal trainer. Which didn't really help how I was feeling right now. I lost my true love, I lost my dignity when I slept with Robbie, and now, I'm losing my career too. What the hell has happened to me?

"Well, here we are," Lenny said as he pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building.

"Thank God," I said as I reached for the door handle.

"You sure you don't want me to stay the night? You seem really upset," Lenny said with a touch of sympathy in his voice.

"Ya, I'm sure, Thanks though," I said.

"Don't mention it," he added before I got out of the car.

I quietly walked through the lobby, to the elevator and then to my apartment. I reached for the spare key I had put in my jean pocket and began to open the door, but, to my surprise it was already unlocked. Roana must have forgotten to lock it. As I walked inside all the lights were turned off, it was a little strange but I didn't think anything of it. Walking inside, I pulled off my jacket and placed it on the coat rack and then flipped on the switch for the lights. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and then I walked into my room. Once inside I turned on all the lights. I walked into my bathroom and started to run some bath water. With the sound of running water in the back ground I walked back into my room and started to get undressed. Pulling off my shirt I felt like something wasn't right, but I ignored the feeling and continued to undress. As I was about to unclasp my bra I got the creepy feeling that someone was watching me, figuring it was just someone looking over from the apartments across the street, I walked over and closed the blinds. Once the blinds were closed I began to unhook my bra once again. Just as I was about to pull the bra off of my body I heard a noise behind me. I turned, grasping my hand to my chest.

"Well, well, well, so we meet again," I heard a male voice from the closet. I froze in my tracks as I heard the footsteps from inside the closet getting closer, closer and closer. I walked backwards until I felt my night stand. I quickly pulled the phone off the hook and attempted to dial 911. But the phone was yanked out of my hands.

"Now, I don't think that's such a good idea, do you?" I knew that voice, I know that I knew that voice. The man placed an empty beer bottle down on the side table as he placed on hand on my stomach as he ran his thumb, back and forth along my bare skin.

"LET GO OF ME!" I screamed as I thrashed in his grip.

"Ruthie, no one's gonna hear you, no one's here, baby it's just me and you," he said. I felt something being tied around my wrists, but I didn't dare look down, I needed to see his face.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!" I screamed louder than the first time.

"Damn, you're a loud one aren't you?" He said as he covered my mouth with some type of clothing. As He lead me to the bed I tried to scream through the fabric, but it didn't work. The man pushed me face down on the bed and then got on himself. He flipped me over so the I was facing him. It was dark, and I could barely make out his figure but those, eyes, I knew those eyes. Robbie.

**A/N: thank you for all the great reviews! I realize I haven't had any Marthie whats-so ever in the last three chapters but this attack is leading up to something I swear, and it has to do with Martin. I'm going out of town on Sunday and Monday but Tuesday I'll be back so I may not update for a little bit. Tell me what you think! Sorry to all you Robbie fans but, I just needed to do it.**


	11. Silence

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven**

**Warning: Some mention of rape in this chapter.**

As the pain finally stopped I saw Robbie's figure stand. I heard the noise of his pants zipper, as he zipped himself back up.

"Well, Ruthie, if you don't mind, I think I may just have some beer and uh... hang out a bit," I heard him say, followed by footsteps into the living and the refrigerator door being opened.

I couldn't see a damn thing. All the lights in the entire room were turned off. My pants were pulled down to my ankles. The locket Roana had brought me from Spain had been ripped off my neck and thrown carelessly on the ground. I didn't know what time it was or how many hours had passed by. But, the one thing I noticed was that Roana and Denny were no where to be seen. I knew they weren't home because as much as he was yelling at me, if someone was in the house, they sure as hell would have heard it.

I glanced over to the phone that was lying off the hook on the side table beside my bed. My hand were tied to head bored, but my feet weren't. I pulled my self up and attempted to swing my body over to press some button on the phone, but it didn't work. All I did was knock the phone off the side table, making a crashing noise which caused Robbie to come running.

"You trying to call for help bitch?" He said as he walked over to the bed once again and knelt over me. I attempted to scream but my shouts of horror as he began to rape me were again silenced by the cloth that had been shoved inside my mouth. I was helpless.

Hours passed and Robbie had eventually left the room once again, this time, tying my feet together. The pain was throbbing in my chest as I attempted to catch my breath. I noticed the sun start to shin through my curtains, he had been doing this all night. But, that's not the part that worried me, what worried me, was Denny. Denny and Roana never came home. I tried to push the thought out of my mind but I couldn't. I started to get thoughts of police finding them dead in a ditch somewhere. And I would be the one to blame. Because I was the one who got drunk and had sex with Robbie.

About an hour had passed and Robbie hadn't come back into the room. Maybe he was done, maybe he was leaving. My heart raced up a bit when I heard the front door open. Okay this is it, he's leaving, it's all over. But I was taken aback by who's voice I heard next. It was Martin.

"Who the hell are you?" I heard Martin say.

"Oh come on man, you don't remember me? I'm Robbie, Robbie Palmer," Robbie said in that same cocky voice. The one I had been hearing all night long.

"Why are here? Where's Ruthie?" Martin said. I could hear footsteps coming towards the room and then they stopped.

"Ruthie's out getting some more beer man, it's not big deal," I heard Robbie's voice. I once again tried to scream but the fabric muffled the noise,disabling Martin from hearing me. I could feel the tear start to drip out of the corner of my eyes again as pain struck my body.

"I know you're lying let me through the god damn door!" I heard Martin yell, I then heard a thud against the bedroom door.

"Listen, I've known Ruthie a long time she doesn't like people like you in her room," I heard Robbie say.

"Where's Ruthie?!" I heard Martin ask loudly.

"I already told you," Robbie said as he let out a slight laugh. "God, is there any brain in there,"

"LET ME IN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Martin screamed. It was followed by a loud bang and then the door being opened. I turned to look at the door way. Everything thing was blurry since I unable to wide the tears that were falling out of my eyes. But I could see that it was Martin standing in the door way. I took in a deep breath, I knew that I was safe now I knew that everything would...

"Don't move or I'll kill you," I heard from over at the doorway. I blinked, clearing the tears from my eyes. And I saw Robbie holding a gun to Martin's head. I froze. He had gun to Martin's head. He could kill him, he could kill me. Oh God, what about Denny and Roana, they still weren't home. Oh God. I closed my eyes unable to look at the scene of Robbie's arm around Martin's neck with a gun pointing towards his head. The thought that I could witness Martin's death was something to surreal. This can't be real, it just cant be, it has to be a dream. I have to wake up. Ya, the alarm clock should be ringing anytime now. I closed my eyes, half expecting to hear the buzzing of the alarm clock, but that never happened.

"Go and sit on the bed next to Ruthie," Robbie said as he loosened his grip around Martin's neck and lead him over to the bed, the gun still pointed towards him. Martin obeyed and sat down next to me in bed.

"Don't move!" Robbie said as he turned his back to us, his gun still pointed towards Martin. He started wondering into the closet until the only thing visible was his gun. I glanced over at Martin who was sitting beside me. Before I could blink Martin had reached over at started to untie my hands from the bed post. Half of me didn't want him too because I knew that gun was pointed at him and as I felt the knot become looser around my wrists I just prayed to God Martin wouldn't die.

I finally felt fabric slide off my skin. As it fell to the ground Robbie turned. I quickly ran for the door. Martin started running towards Robbie. But I didn't dare look back. I just ran. As I reached the front door I could hear what to me sounded like people being slammed into walls but I didn't stop to tell as I reached the hall I stood their, in my bra a jeans I free... it was over. all of it was...

My thoughts were stopped as I heard a gun being fired. Followed by silence.

**A/N: Sorry for another crappy chapter, I know their wasn't much Marthie in this one. I will try to update soon though I swear! So please review! Oh, and sorry this chapter was so short, there really wasn't much dialog so I think that's why it looks so short.**


	12. Numb

**Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven**

I stared at myself in the mirror one last time. I smoothed my plain black dress along my body. It had been a week since the attack. Everywhere I looked I thought of that day. Every minute, every second of every day. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't erase the pain. But I hadn't cried. Not once since Robbie raped me.

"Ruthie," I heard from behind me. I turned to see Lenny standing in the door way. He was dressed in a black suit.

"The cars here," he said quietly. I nodded, grabbed my things and walked out of the room.

The Ride to the church seemed to take forever. The car was silent. No one really knew what to say. Lenny even shed a few tears when I told him the news five days ago. Tuesday afternoon I was waiting in the police station with Martin when I heard. They had found Roana's body in a construction area near the apartment building. Police assumed Robbie had walked in not expecting Roana to be there. Knowing Roana she probably pulled a knife on him, she did that a few times before when I had snuck in the house late after a night of partying and drinking and thought i was a burglar. She was killed with a bullet to the head. The apartment surveillance had seen Robbie come through the Lobby carrying one of my huge suit cases which was found near the body. My entire world was shattering into a million pieces before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I felt a head leaning on my side, I turned to see Denny sitting beside me. He had taken the news of Roana pretty badly. He was only six years old, he didn't understand how this could have happened.

I put my hand on the other side of his cheek and kissed the top of his head as I felt one of his hands grip my own.

Once the service started I could feel the tears coming all over again. When the minister called me up to speak I walked up to the front of the church with a piece of crumpled up paper in my hands.

"Nadie es perfecto. Nobody is perfect. That's what Roana always used to tell me. Every time I was dieting, every time I asked her about the outfit I was wearing that's was she would say. Some people may ask themselves how could I possibly be hear mourning over my house keeper? Well, to me, Roana was far more than just a house keeper she was friend, one of the best friends I have ever had. No matter what the story was about she would listen to me ramble on about just about anything, from a photo shoot I had just been at or how the hair dresser had done my hair wrong once again. She was one of the most amazing women that I have met. Everyone who ever met Roana can agree that she was the kind of woman that could make you laugh when you were sobbing. Walking in after a long day of work and not finding Roana singing some american rap song in spanish will be one of the many things I will miss about her. She died so tragically that..." I stopped, I could feel me start to lose my voice. This was all my fault. Me being raped, Roana dying all of it was my fault. If I would have just let Martin get married to Lana like he was supposed to do then I wouldn't have gone over to their house, I wouldn't have stopped at the bar, I wouldn't have run into Robbie, I wouldn't have had sex with Robbie, Robbie wouldn't have been left with my purse, he wouldn't have broken into my house and he wouldn't have killed Roana and raped me. Everything was my fault.

As the funeral service came to an end I tried to calm myself enough to make it back home. At the moment I was staying with Lenny, but I was planning on moving soon far away from New York. To where, I don't know yet but being in the city is too much for me at the moment my life took a drastic U turn when I ran into Martin however many months ago, which caused me to slam the breaks on my entire life.

Two people had died in that small apartment. Yes, you saw it right. Two. Robbie was shot and killed when Martin attempted to grab the gun out of his hands. The gun was discharged and it struck Robbie in the chest, killing him instantly.

The moment we arrived back at Lenny's house I ran to the guest room where I was staying, ripped off the black and slipped into a pair of sweat pants. I walked over to the bed and slipped my body in between the layers of sheets. I closed my eyes trying to forget everything. God, you do not know how bad I wanted my alarm clock to go off right now, telling me it was all a dream, that nothing like this ever happened. I wanted to wake up with my head pounding from a hangover. I wanted none of this to be real. As I peeled my eyelids back I saw that I was still in Lenny's guest room. So, I guess this was real after all.

I laid there in that bed for God knows how many hours, doing nothing at all when I heard a knock at the door.

"Ya?" I said not taking my eyes off the ceiling. I heard the door squeak open. I tilted my head to see who it was.

"Martin?" I said surprised.

"Ya, hey," Martin said as he walked into the small room, closing the door behind him.

"Hey," I said quietly as I pushed my self up in bed. I hadn't seen him since the day he found me in my apartment six days ago.

"How you feeling?" Martin asked as he walked a little further into the room. I sighed.

"...numb," I said quietly. He gave me curious look.

"I've cried so much lately that I've just been emotionless," I said. Martin sighed and nodded. Silence fell over the room. The awkwardness between us stopped all the words that were lingering behind our lips as we let the silence over come us.

"Ruthie..." Martin said after what was probably a minute or so, but to me seemed like eternity.

"Hm?" I asked looking up at him.

"This probably isn't a good time to tell you but..." he stopped trying to put together his thought.

"tell me what?" I asked him.

"Lana left," Martin said as he dug his hands into his jeans pocket.

"What do you mean she left?" I asked him plainly.

"I mean she left, she ran off with some guy, she left me note and now, she's gone," Martin said as he sat on the edge of the bed. This news should be making me happy but now, it didn't faze me. Love didn't exist and I knew it. Love is some big myth that will cause you to do crazy things that end up shattering your entire life and way of living. It screws up everything and it digs a whole in your heart that can never be refilled it comes into your life, steals your sanity and then tears your entire world apart before you even get a chance to blink.

"Oh," I said to Martin after he had finished telling me the news. The silence fell over the room again.

"Martin?" I asked finally.

"ya?" he said turning and looking at me.

"Can you promise me something?" I asked him.

"Sure," Martin said.

"If anything ever happens to me can yo take care of Denny?" I asked. At this moment I didn't know why I asked him I didn't know whether I was scared of something happening to me like what happened to Roana or whether in the back of my mind there was some thought of me taking my own life, I didn't know.

"What?" Martin asked eye brows raised.

"Just promise," I said looking him straight in the eye.

"okay, I promise," Martin said.

"All of this is my fault," I said suddenly.

"Ruthie no it's no..." he said. But I cut him off. I never told him about how Robbie got the keys to my house.

"Yes it is," I said not daring to look over at Robbie.

"I HAD SEX WITH HIM!" I finally yelled as I looked Martin in the eye.

"What?" he said confused.

"Martin I got drunk the day after you told me Lana was pregnant I went to bar, met him and then had sex with him, leaving my purse keys and car with him, all of this is my fault Roana dying Robbie dying, all of it,"

"Ruthie, you can't do this to yourself," Martin said as he moved closer to me on the bed.

"But it's true," I sighed. I felt a hand brush up against my cheek. I glanced up and came face to face with Martin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as the dam that I had been trying to build to hide my emotions finally broke as Martin cupped my face in his hands. Martin brought my face closer to his and kissed my forehead and pulling my body closer to his until I was wrapped in his warm embrace as the tears started to flow from my eyes.

**A/N: I know this chapter was horrible but I am honestly running out of ideas for this story! I'm totally stuck on how I should end it. But it will definitely be ending within the nest chapter or two. Please tell me what you thought.**


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